Sunday, 11 July 2010 -- Day 203 (216)

Maddy started detasseling a few days ago, and on her first day she was so nervous and excited that she couldn't eat her breakfast. I remember that feeling well. On the morning that Mom and Dad took me to college, I choked down a soggy bowl of Cheerio's b/c the knot in my stomach wasn't allowing anything to pass into it for fear that something would pass out of it. Funny how 28 years have passed, and I can still remember that feeling, which is probably why I'm not a big fan of Cheerios any more. I've been getting that same sour stomach feeling each time I think about leaving Doug and the girls for two weeks while I'm in Europe. I know Ron and I will have a wonderful time once our trip is underway, but I still have nagging pangs of guilt thinking how Mom didn't want me to go b/c I would be away from my family for too long. On the night she died, I told her that she didn't need to worry about us b/c we'd be alright. I have to take my own advice now and not worry about my family. Doug will be home diligently working on home repairs and fishing; Kenzie will be busy w/ softball, work, and hanging w/ friends; and Maddy will be busy detasseling and hanging w/ friends. But I also told Mom that night that we would take care of Dad. W/ both Ron and me in Europe, I'm worried that Dad will be very lonely since we talk to him almost every day. I once heard that the person who cares least holds the most power. Right now I'm feeling very powerless.