Tonight's blizzard certainly reminds me more of last year. Ron, Dad, and I did make it out to the cemetery this morning while it was just raining. Ron made a beautiful winter/Christmas arrangement to put on Mom's gravestone. Technically it's Dad's stone too, but hopefully I won't have to say "their gravestone" for a long time. But I know there are days, especially now, when he is very lonely. It's not as easy for him to get out or for others to get out to him. It breaks my heart to hear him say that the only people he talked to in a day was the checkout clerk at the grocery store and me on the phone. I know that if he had more than a fifth grade education and could read and write better he wouldn't have so much time to just sit. He never believes me when I tell him he's a very smart man who knows algebra and geometry b/c that's what it takes to build and remodel rooms and staircases and do woodworking w/o any patterns. Not being able to putz out in his shop also makes these days longer.
After the cemetery and running some errands, we talked about the past. Before Mom died, Dad was never one to talk about days gone by, but I think it brings him comfort now b/c Mom was a part of those days. He told a wonderful story about how he and his cousin Paul when they were kids would ride on the wagon behind the tractor into the small town of Kesley. They would gather rocks and throw them at the mailboxes they passed and quite good at hitting them by the time they got from the farm to the town. He told another story of how he and Paul would catch ground squirrels and turn them in to the town grocer who would pay them a nickel. The grocer would take them out behind the store where Dad and Paul would retrieve them and sell them to the grocer again. I think Dad could add "shrewd businessman" to his list of talents!
I told Dad today that I'm getting a divorce. I was worried that he'd be worried about me, but his first response was, "I figured something wasn't right." It's funny how those closest to us see more than we realize. He knows I can take care of myself and my daughters so there were no tears and no harsh words and no judgment. He just wants the same thing Mom always wanted.....for me to be happy. He also said later tonight, "Mom knows." I added, "She also knows how unhappy I've been." And just like that it's accepted. Dad's a smart man!
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