Mental note to self.........surround myself w/ lots of family, friends, and activity. Last night I was teetering on the edge of sanity, of depression, of hope, and why? B/c I was alone. I had the house to myself for four hours, during which time I was a blubbering blob of blah. Two months ago, I would've given my eye teeth to have some alone time, but just now, it's not working for me. I don't know how my dad does it. B/c of all the snow and ice and fog and rain and cold temps, he hasn't wanted to get too far from home, and others aren't wanting to venture in to see him. It's like a double whammy, the depression associated w/ Mom's death and the winter blah's. But Dad still sounds chipper each night when I talk to him. He ends up cheering me up.
I had even been questioning and challenging the expression that "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Last night I was really wondering if it would be easier to just go through life w/o caring for others so when they die, it wouldn't hurt as much. But if I succumb to that attitude, I'll be a blubbering blob of blah for a lifetime rather than a few hours. I'll take the grief over the void. I think that's my final answer.
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