Saturday, 16 January 2010

Turns out that the internet hasn't been disconnected yet at my dad's so I can compose and publish simultaneously.

On January 16, 1947, my parents were married in the Little Brown Church in the Vale in Nashua, Iowa. Sixty-three years ago today, two young kids promised to love, honor, and cherish each other in sickness and in health until death parted them. I know they had no idea that the young bride would battle six different types of cancer over a 42-year-period, and the groom would survive a near-fatal accident and open-heart surgery. We knew this was going to be a difficult day for dad, and it was. But w/ the love and care of family and friends, we were all able to talk, cry, laugh, eat, shop, and play cards......a day that Mom would've truly enjoyed. Sixty-three years ago the weather was balmy...."shirt-sleeve weather," Dad called it. Not quite as warm today, but the January Thaw came a few days earlier.

On one of the last times I was back home, I was looking through some papers, documents, and pictures that Mom had tucked away in an upstairs bookcase. In all that, I found Mom and Dad's official marriage license, and in anticipation of today, took it w/ me to frame so I could give it to Dad as a gift. It turns out to be quite serendipitous that I found this document b/c Dad will need it on Tuesday, the 19th, when he meets w/ the Social Security Administration to claim survivorship benefits. Dad thought he had the marriage license in the lockbox, but this was just the fancy, "souvenir" one they received on their wedding day. The official document that I found was tucked away in a folder in a most unlikely place that never would've even been considered as a place to look for their marriage license. On the night that I found it several weeks ago, I spent hours after everyone was in bed looking through these old papers, but what drew me to look in that particular spot? I believe Mom was encouraging me to find them and to pull out the license, knowing Dad would soon need it. The night she died I asked her if she would come back and be our guardian angel, and she shook her head, "Yes." She's keeping her promise. My brother told me that last night he dreamt he was giving Mom a hug, and he could actually feel her. He always hugged her carefully in the last year for fear of hurting her, but last night in his dream, she told him he could hug her tighter, that he wouldn't hurt her. She's definitely w/ us. Last night as I was driving in the fog and snow blowing, an owl flew above me as we crossed the Big Marsh. Mom was w/ my daughters and me to make sure we arrived safely.

I know I've mentioned this before that Dad always wanted to be the first one to go b/c he didn't think he was as strong and courageous as Mom. I think that's exactly why God took her first to give Dad time to prove himself to himself. Mom had accomplished what she needed to do here on earth. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people's lives are better b/c Mom taught them in Sunday School and Bible School and volunteered at the preschool and the elementary school; because she was the first female city council member who always spoke her mind and voted her conscience; because she was a role model to her children and grandchildren by getting her GED at age 44. Dad was forced to quit school after the sixth grade b/c he was needed to help on the farm. As a result, he never felt adequate in dealing w/ the running of the household. Mom paid all the bills, dealt w/ all the insurance issues, made all the appointments, etc., etc. Although my brother and are I helping w/ this now, Dad is dealing w/ areas and issues he never before confronted. Mom was always the one who pushed them to go places, and now Dad is going places on his own or w/ friends and family. He's regaining some of the confidence he lost as a young boy. He's stronger than he realized, and Mom going first has given him the opportunity to learn this.

Anniversary means to commemorate an annual event. So on what would've been Mom and Dad's 63rd wedding anniversary, we've had the opportunity to reminisce and appreciate, but we can also look upon this as a year for growth and renewal.