It amazes me how I can be cruising along with daily activities, and then blam-o something happens to cause me to pause. My older daughter told me that she needs a new pair of jeans b/c her favorite pair, which she's been wearing for the last three years, has a hole in the seat. My first response w/o even thinking was, "Well, Grandma could patch that." It's a knee-jerk response.
Sometimes when I'm peaking through the veil of grief, I spy w/ my little eye, something that looks like life. People continue to get married, take communion, go to school, have babies, and die. Life continues whether the veil goes up or stays down. That's just so mind-boggling to me and so cliche that "life goes on." Some days I think I must be bi-polar in that I seem to have two emotions: "okay" and "this sucks." And if I try for any other emotion, it's like when I was first learning to drive a manual transmission: a lot of jerking, sputtering, and grinding to get it going forward. I once struggled through seven changes of the same traffic signal trying to find first gear. I'm doing a lot of sputtering right now as I try to find the right gear that will get me going again. Maybe I just need to try writing at a different time of the day.
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