I re-read some of my early posts, and I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record. The former English teacher in me would call them themes or motifs. The speech teacher in me would say that repetition solidifies your purpose. The writer in me thinks it's time to move on and develop a new theme and purpose. Therefore, the theme for tonight will be quality of life.
We celebrated my Grandma Ruth's 98th birthday today w/ a party at the nursing home....98 years old, and she still crochets and does crossword puzzles. She knows how to use email and does crafts. I would say she has a fairly good quality of life, and today she looked beautiful. We were told that we couldn't visit her before the party as she was being "put to bed for a nap." My older daughter thought the semantics of this was awful b/c it sounded like they were talking about a small child. Unfortunately many come to the end of life similar to the start. I remember my paternal grandmother having to wear the equivalent of a diaper when she was in the nursing home. What was her quality of life near the end of it?
While visiting w/ other family members at the party today, they talked about their arthritis and how they didn't want to be hooked up to any machines. One proclaimed that euthanasia should be legal b/c a person shouldn't have to suffer pain on a daily basis. Buddha said that all life is suffering until we are able control our desires and cravings, break the cycle of rebirth, and achieve Nirvana. I believe that suffering leads to greater appreciation of life. In the opening scene of the movie, When Harry Met Sally, Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in the lead roles talk about death. Harry says he reads the last page of a new book so if he dies, he'll know how it ends. He would be a good Buddhist b/c he contemplates death and impermanence a lot so he'll be ready when it happens. Sally accuses him of ruining his whole life by waiting for death. Death is inevitable and equitable, and a good Buddhist will contemplate it numerous times during the day. I would make a very good practicing Buddhist right now as I struggle to figure out, "What's the point?". That's not exactly right b/c as a Buddhist I would know that these meditations on impermenance would help me to stop wasting time chasing after desires and cravings. Trying to figure out the meaning of life is therefore a study in the meaning of death.
Will this study improve my quality of life? Part of me is glad that Mom never had to be in a nursing home, and part of me hopes that when Dad's time comes that he will pass quietly in his own bed. We use nursing homes as a way to put to bed those fears we have about death and dying. Immobilized by a stroke or constricted by dementia certainly holds no quality of life except to know that each of us is one step closer to death w/ every breath we take. Embracing mortality can be liberating and improve my quality of life in every stage and every cycle.
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