Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Wednesday, 13 October 2010 -- Day 297 (310)

I have been thinking lately how, even as a woman in my mid-40's, I looked forward to going to my mom's to have her spoil me.  I knew that a weekend w/ her meant no cooking or laundry or diaper changes when my girls were little.  A weekend w/ Mom was like a vacation.  I won't have that ever again.  Now I realize how incredibly selfish that is b/c Mom never had a mother to spoil her and give her a mini-vacation.

So while I was feeling sorry for myself last night while trying to fall asleep, I asked for Mom's help once again.  I asked her to hold my hand until I fell asleep.  I swear on my mother's grave, and I can actually do that now, that this is what happened.  While my eyes were closed I saw a flash of light, and I felt a warmth on my right hand.  It was the most peaceful, relaxing feeling I've had in quite some time.  Then just as I was about to drop off, I felt the room get very cold.  I squeezed Mom's hand twice, rolled over, and fell fast asleep.  Just a few nights ago I was sitting up w/ Maddy, rubbing her back until she fell asleep.  It was comforting to know I could still go to Mom just as my daughters come to me. 

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