Here I am again at practically the 11th hour, writing my daily entry. My vision for this blog was that I would write every morning in anticipation of what the new day would bring in the grieving and healing process. But as usual, I'm using hindsight rather than foresight. With each post I've been reflecting on what I've done and felt rather than what I hoped to do and feel. I've let the days evolve, and sometimes erode, in a natural course. Perhaps instead I should take a more proactive approach and tell myself how I'm going to feel each day. Sorta like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Mom used to wonder how anyone could suffer from depression. She believed it was just a matter of convincing yourself to be happy, and you would be happy. She didn't think chemical imbalances in the brain were a legitimate excuse. I'm not sure if that made her naive, stubborn, or strong. Maybe all three.
Today was filled with living, which is the real reason my post is barely going to make it on the 1st of February. I communicated w/ three sections of students; watched my younger daughter play basketball and then dance; discussed music and art; learned that my older daughter and her fellow show choir members received a Division I rating at State; cleared the driveway and sidewalks of snow. Yes, I could've posted this morning in anticipation of all these activities, but I don't think it would've made me enjoy them anymore than I actually did. Life is about reflection just as much as it is about anticipation. In fact I'd say they are intricately and inescapably linked.
So here's my foresight for tomorrow...........the ground hog will hopefully see his reflection so we can anticipate spring is only six weeks away. Or is it if he doesn't see his reflection? I can never remember.
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