Friday, 05 February 2010

It feels good to makes plans again, and to see Dad make plans. He left a message on my cell phone this afternoon, something he's never, ever done before, to tell me he wouldn't be home tonight b/c he was visiting his sister. Today he had lunch w/ one of my brothers 40 miles away and then drove to my other brother's house. He had done these things w/ Mom, but this was his first time venturing to these places on his own. He's been working out in his shop again making a picture frame for Mom's funeral folder. The point is he's moving forward. My grieving has been lessened by making plans and getting on w/ life, and now I see Dad starting to realize that no matter how much he grieves and misses Mom, she's not coming back. Moping around an empty house won't comfort him, and as cliche as it sounds, life does go on. It doesn't go on in a straight line, more of a jagged, criss-cross, willy-nilly, topsy-turvy pattern. I'm tired of being afraid and guilty for being alive so that means we make plans. Plans to travel to Europe this summer; plans to watch softball games and track meets; plans to play tennis again; plans to go to bed..........I'm pooped.