Friday, 26 November 2010 -- Day 341 (354)

I'm at Dad's tonight for the last leg of the Thanksgiving weekend.........guess that's means it's the last turkey leg!  He's having a very difficult time w/ this holiday and the approaching one-year anniversary of Mom's death.  When I asked him if he thought it had become any easier to deal w/ her death, he said that he'd actually thought it had gotten worse.  In some ways this house of mourning has become a house in limbo.  This makes me question whether it's healthy to devote your life so completely to another person that when that person is gone, you find no joy in living.  Dad did mention tonight about moving her shoes from the closet to a burp tub under the bed, but when I asked if he wanted me to take them to Goodwill, he said, "Not yet."  Sometimes I think he's handling the grief and starting to move forward, like when he made a slight change to Mom's sewing room last month.  But then I see that the picture boards we made for her visitation are still propped up on the couch.  Ron has mentioned before that's it's difficult to come home b/c everything is basically as she left it so it feels like she should be coming around a corner at any moment.  I think Dad likes that feeling, but I believe it's a false sense of hope that I fear only makes him feel her loss more deeply w/ each passing day.