Talking w/ a friend tonight about reincarnation made me wonder if I'd like it if Mom were reincarnated. If I knew to where her soul was reborn then I'd be okay w/ it except that would mean that she hadn't yet broken the cycle and achieved Nirvana. I just need some sign that her soul is at peace. My faith should be strong enough to tell me it is, and maybe this is the Thomas coming out in me, but I want proof. I want proof that her years of service to her church and her family and her community paid off, and that death didn't just end her suffering but paid for her entrance into eternity.
For the six years that I've dealt w/ Kenzie's Crohn's Disease, Mom's cancers, my cancer and brain aneurysm I never asked, "Why?" Not once did I question that all this should happen in my life. And I'm still not asking for an explanation as to why I was given these bumps in the road. I'm asking for assurance that all these bumps in the road are leading to those streets paved w/ gold behind the pearly gates.
I was raised in the Presbyterian faith, graduated from a Lutheran college, played piano for a Disciples of Christ church, and taught at a Quaker boarding school. My life has been a quest of looking for the one way w/ the right answers to give me a life of meaning that leads to an afterlife of peace. Maybe I've got it backward, and it's a life of peace leading to an afterlife of meaning. Maybe I need to explore some more religions and denominations. One thing I do know is that, for me, faith is about asking questions b/c w/o asking questions I can never find the answers.
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