I suck at being a parent. For someone w/ a master's degree in communication studies, I blew it tonight when trying to talk to my daughter. For being so euphoric yesterday, life blows today. Ha! There's irony in that statement considering the wind was pseudo-tornadic today. Maybe I'm the cause. Such extreme highs and lows make me think I'm becoming bipolar.
Mom, for all the times I made you sad or mad or worried, I'm so sorry. Like the time I stayed out until five in the morning and didn't call, I'm sorry. When I disappointed you by getting suspended from high school for three days, I'm sorry. For the time when I was home from college, talking on the phone to a friend, and said I was bored b/c there was nothing to do, I'm sorry. I know you heard me b/c Lori took me aside to tell me the look of sadness that you had.
I know being a parent means dealing w/ sadness and anger and disappointment as well as joy and gladness and pride. I just didn't realize all those emotions could be felt in 48 hours.
I am feeling these emotions right with you...leaving our Chelsea in Florida has made me feel at times that I have left a part of me behind. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and hope that she is smiling and starting to live her life without us there. I think it makes it harder because I know she is still finding it hard to cope without us being there for her. I certainly Never thought being a parent would get harder as the girls got older. ((hugs)) to you....Lisa Luhringxx
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