Monday, 06 September 2010 -- Day 260 (273)

Today was a fantastic day b/c I let myself be happy....truly happy.  I laughed to the point of crying and didn't feel guilty about it.  I didn't stop myself to think, "How can you be happy when your mother is dead?"  That thought didn't even cross my mind.  I was silly and goofy, and I loved it.  Kenzie told me about a friend of hers who has rented a new house.  His name is Cody, and the name of his roommate is Cody so I said, "It's the Ko(dy)tex Maxi Pad."  I know.  It sounds stupid now, but at the time I found it really funny, and my family laughed more at me than at my joke but that's okay.  I'm laughing and enjoying life, and that's what's important.  I used to be afraid to be too happy, even when Mom was alive, b/c I knew that happiness wouldn't last.  I knew that something would happen to destroy that happiness so I figured if I wasn't too happy then I wouldn't have as far to fall.  I guess it's part of my German upbringing to do everything in moderation.  This attitude has helped in regard to eating and drinking but has stunted me with relationships.  This is the point when I say, "I love you, Man," to all the people in my life whether I've known you for one month, one year, or one lifetime.  So now, rather than focusing on the fact that happiness won't last, which is true, I'm going to focus on the fact that there will always be another happiness to follow.