Looking at it assures me that my emotional roller coaster is normal, and my waffling back-and-forth is known as cycling, which isn't a good thing. Cycling means I'm trying to move to another stage before I'm ready, which hurls me back to the previous stage. I think my conscience mind is thinking, "I've got less than 90 days to make it to acceptance." My unconscious mind, however, realizes that this is bunk and sends me back where I belong. Three-hundred-sixty-five days isn't a magic number for going through mourning; it's simply the time-frame I gave myself for this blog. Even after Day 365, I'll continue to mourn. But I have to hope, that if this is a grief cycle, I won't just keeping spinning my wheels.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, 25 September 2010 -- Day 279 (292)
I've come to the conclusion that mourning isn't a process. Calling it "The Stages of Mourning" isn't quite accurate either b/c each expression implies moving in a linear manner. There's been nothing linear about my thinking or emotions. One day, I feel like I'm beginning to accept a life w/o Mom, and the next day I'm back to feeling depressed. I found this diagram at http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kubler_ross/kubler_ross.htm.Looking at it assures me that my emotional roller coaster is normal, and my waffling back-and-forth is known as cycling, which isn't a good thing. Cycling means I'm trying to move to another stage before I'm ready, which hurls me back to the previous stage. I think my conscience mind is thinking, "I've got less than 90 days to make it to acceptance." My unconscious mind, however, realizes that this is bunk and sends me back where I belong. Three-hundred-sixty-five days isn't a magic number for going through mourning; it's simply the time-frame I gave myself for this blog. Even after Day 365, I'll continue to mourn. But I have to hope, that if this is a grief cycle, I won't just keeping spinning my wheels.
Looking at it assures me that my emotional roller coaster is normal, and my waffling back-and-forth is known as cycling, which isn't a good thing. Cycling means I'm trying to move to another stage before I'm ready, which hurls me back to the previous stage. I think my conscience mind is thinking, "I've got less than 90 days to make it to acceptance." My unconscious mind, however, realizes that this is bunk and sends me back where I belong. Three-hundred-sixty-five days isn't a magic number for going through mourning; it's simply the time-frame I gave myself for this blog. Even after Day 365, I'll continue to mourn. But I have to hope, that if this is a grief cycle, I won't just keeping spinning my wheels.
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