I went to Jen Howard's visitation tonight. She died of cancner. She was only 40 years old. We played tennis together a few times, and we worked at the same college but on different campuses. I would call her an acquaintance. There were a lot of people who called Jen a friend or acquaintance. How wonderful to have that kind of impact on so many people that they would take time out to pay their respects. I think part of the reason I want to be cremated and have a private service is b/c I'm afraid very few people would show up. Anyway, back to the funeral home. I found out while standing in line waiting to shake hands w/ the family that I know Jen's sister, Laura, and I work w/ Laura's husband Dave on this campus. Their daughter Ali is the same age as Maddy. I saw Ali sitting in the front row of chairs, a look of complete sadness and confusion. It was a face that simply asked, "Why?" Why did the person who taught me how to ride a horse leave me? Why does she no longer look like my Aunt Jen? Why are all these people that I don't know here?
I made it through the receiving line.........is it acceptable to use that term in this situation? We use it for wedding parties. Can we use it for funeral parties? Anyway, I made it through the receiving line until I got to Laura and Dave, and then I started to crack. I couldn't even talk by the time I got to Jen's two youngest sisters. I'm sure they were thinking, "Why is this stranger crying?" It was the scene, the entire sad scene w/ flowers and the casket and mourners that brought everything w/ Mom's funeral and visitation right back to the forefront, and I broke. I felt like an idiot.
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