I'm such a baby! Last night I couldn't sleep, partly b/c I couldn't breathe and partly b/c of the shot of Prednisone. Thank goodness for late night, or rather early morning, TV. Maybe it was the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation followed by an episode of Ghost Whisperer that had me in a supernatural, Sci-Fi state-of-mind, but I felt Mom's presence. I was trying to fall asleep in our "blue chair," the overstuffed arm chair w/ ottoman that is so comfortable our international student threatened to take it back to Amsterdam w/ him a few years ago. Anyway, I went for the chair so I could be in a more upright position. This wasn't really working b/c I was still coughing A LOT. I was actually getting a little scared that I was having an asthma attack so I said aloud, "I really need my mom right now." Then, knowing the power of touch in calming the attack, I put my right hand hand on top of my left hand. But it didn't feel like my right hand, it felt like Mom's. This sensation sent me into a bout of crying that led to another, even more intense, bout of coughing. W/o even realizing it, my right hand went up to massage my brow, a gesture that Mom first did after my kidney surgery six years ago to help me to relax. Whether Mom was really w/ me last night, or whether I perceived she was w/ me, I felt calmed and was able to fall asleep. And ultimately it's what we believe that controls us. I believed Mom was w/ me, and I felt better.
When I was a little girl, sleeping in my room all by myself, I'd sometimes get scared if I heard an unfamiliar sound. I'd lay my hand across the other side of my bed and ask God to hold my hand. Within a short while, I'd feel my hand get heavier and knew God was w/ me, holding my hand and protecting me. I remember one night in particular, I heard a scratching noise coming from inside my closet. I knew God wouldn't be enough so I mustered the courage to go downstairs to get Mom. She came up and sat beside my bed until I fell asleep. That's how I felt early this morning; Mom was sitting w/ me, holding my hand, rubbing my brow until I fell asleep.
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