Today would've been Mom's 80th birthday. For the past five years, ever since we threw a big birthday bash for Dad's 80th, we'd been talking about what we'd do for Mom's party. My gift to Dad five years ago was a biographical narrative of the places he's lived and worked and the people who have been a part of his life. I was planning to do something similar for Mom, but I wanted it to include all the reasons people are thankful she's a part of our lives. When her cancer doctor gave us the two-year prognosis a little over a year ago, I knew I should write it then and give it to her for Christmas. But I was in denial and couldn't bring myself to start. Christmas of 2008 came and went. Then I thought about writing it as a gift for her birthday and Mother's Day in 2009. I didn't. I finally started writing it this past December, but by then it was too late. I did at least tell her many of the things that I was going to write, but I never did what I wanted to do, which was to create a Thanks to you.... narrative that would include pictures and stories and artifacts from her life and loves.
I first got this idea when attending the visitation of a co-worker who died from cancer about four years ago. Her daughter had made a memory-book, of sorts, w/ pictures and stories and funny sayings that were special to them and had given it to her mother a few years earlier. I guess that's why I was never able to write my thanks narrative to Mom b/c I could envision it on a table at the funeral home. And so I did nothing. Mom didn't get my gift and she didn't get a party. Now that I think about it, she didn't even get a party when she retired. We gave Dad a retirement party. Why didn't we do one for Mom? Probably b/c she was always the one planning the parties. That's no excuse. We gave her wedding anniversary parties, but we never gave her a party just for her.........until her funeral. Her church family did recognize her w/ cards and gifts and a cake when she retired from teaching Sunday School several months before her death. But her own family fell short. This is one of those regrets that I was talking about the other night, and that's why I'm crying.....again.
This is Mom's first birthday in heaven. It's comforting to know that she's spending this birthday w/ her mom and dad and brother and sister. It's been a very, very long time since she's been able to do that. I hope she's riding a bicycle or a skateboard or flying a kite or jumping on a trampoline. These things always put a smile on her face so I hope she's doing them now. I hope she has cake (one she didn't have to bake) and ice cream and tuna-salad sandwiches, and that she wins the High Woman prize at Rook. Mostly I hope she knows how special she is for making all my birthdays and holidays and graduations so special. I'm sorry, Mom, that we didn't get to give you that big 80th birthday party so you could've seen how many people love you and are thankful for you. Some day when we meet again in heaven, I'm gonna throw you the biggest birthday party ever!
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