I had such a bizarre dream last night that I've been questioning all day whether I should even write about it. But I have to deal w/ all my feelings and actions and reactions if I'm going to survive this mourning process. I dreamt that I was holding Mom's right foot in my hand. It had been severed from her leg and showed signs of decomposition b/c it was a grayish color and also pinkish along the jagged cut marks. I held it up to her, and all she said to me, or at least all I remember, is that I needed to file the middle toe's nail down more. What does that mean?
The last time I attempted to touch Mom's feet was the night she died. I lifted off the blankets of the hospital bed to rub lotion on her feet and massage them, but she let me know that she didn't want her feet showing. I interpreted this to mean that she was embarrassed at how her toe nails looked. But that can't be right. A woman on her death bed isn't thinking about what her feet and toe nails look like, is she? Very disturbing dream.
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