Wednesday, 03 march 2010 -- Day 73

Today is my birthday. I'm now 46. Mom used to always be the first one to call me in the morning to serenade me w/ "Happy Birthday." This was the first time in 46 years that Mom didn't sing to me or wish me a Happy Birthday or send me a card. I guess it really hit me today that I'm a motherless child. My husband and children offered birthday greetings first thing this morning, but there was no singing. That's where I started this morning, and then something wonderful happened......I went to work. My dear friend, Lora, greeted me w/ a gift full of lots of delightful goodies. She had created one of those care packages that had me squealing in delight w/ each new surprise I removed from the box. Students in my first class gave me birthday wishes proving they had been listening to me last week when I subtly pointed out the date of my birth was quickly approaching. Then my sister called, and as soon as I saw her name appear on my cell phone, I prepared myself for the singing. Just like Mom, she serenades me every year. This year I pinched myself to keep from crying b/c by now I was determined to make this a completely blissful birthday. And it has been an amazing birthday, much happier than I had hoped, thanks to emails and cards and Facebook comments from friends and family. Aunt Irene, who will be 90 in two months, even sent me a card. I used to get them from her and her family every year when I was young, but it's the first card I recall receiving in my adulthood. I think she knew that I wouldn't be getting a card from Mom and didn't want me to think I'd been forgotten. Forgotten.......not in the slightest. Makes me wonder what I've done to deserve so many loving friends and family members. When I entered my afternoon class, there was a gift bag waiting on the back table where I sit when watching speeches, which is what I did today. Again a student had actually been listening to me and heeded my not-so-subtle hints. God bless them, everyone.

My evening has been filled w/ more cards and gifts. My husband made me a cake, made dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, and gave me a gift card to a local nursery, which I hope I'll actually get to use at some point this year. My daughter Maddy gave me a beautiful eternity circle necklace. In the box was a card that said: "A mother's love is forever, A precious gift to treasure, Warmth on which you can depend, Like this sparkling circle, it has no end." It's so special b/c it came from my baby and b/c it made me think of my own mother's eternal love, a love that I depended on for 45 years, a love that from now on will be in memory and not in action. My daughter Kenzie gave me the pictures of my mom that I had asked her for a couple of weeks ago and to which I referenced in an earlier blog. I'm going to get frames for them, but it's still very difficult to look at them. Weird how I can look at the older pictures of her, but the recent ones just rip me up.

Well, that's been my 46th birthday, my first birthday without Mom, but a birthday filled with love and support and kindness from many friends and family members. Thank you to all. Thanks, Mom, for bringing me into this world, on this day, 46 years ago.

P.S. After posting the first part of this at 8:50 this evening, I checked the voice mail on my cell phone that had been charging since about 5:00 this evening. On it were four messages: one from my brother, Ron, two from my dad, and one from my longtime friend, Darla. It's fitting that my birthday should end as I had hoped it would start....w/ singing. My brother, who had called me yesterday to say he wanted to buy my birthday present this summer while we're in Europe, serenaded me. My dad's first attempt at a message left him in a coughing fit so that he had to hang up. When he called back, he gave me birthday wishes in his sing-song pattern, which is the closest he comes to singing. That right there meant more to me than I can relay. My friend, who had already posted birthday wishes on my Facebook wall and had sent me a card and gift (of which I used some of the anti-aging night cream!), left me a birthday voice message as well. The speech teacher is speechless. Good night.