Do we really see the people in our lives? Despite being five foot two, Mom was a huge presence in everything we did as a family. But did I always SEE her? Almost daily now I catch myself thinking, "Well, Mom would know how...." Dad has said similar phrases numerous times today. Phrases like, "Ma always took care of that," and "Ma would know who...." In retrospect, however, I feel like we didn't appreciate her enough; we didn't realize all the work that went into preparing the holiday meals and the Easter egg hunts and the family reunions. When I fixed Mom's fried chicken Dad told me it was very good......just like Mom's. Then there was a catch in his voice as he said, "I never told Ma that, and she always cooked such good meals."
When I was in graduate school, I remember reading a study about how as women age they become more and more invisible. It went so far as to claim that this was why women, who are past child-bearing age, baked cakes so they would still have something to present that would make others go, "Ooh" and "Ah." Everyone sees the cute, young girl, but the wrinkled, old woman all but disappears. I worry that we took Mom for granted and didn't see and appreciate everything she did for us. I worry that I take my husband and children and siblings and friends for granted. There's still time to see them, I mean really see them.
I did today the task I had been dreading....I put away the Christmas decorations that Mom got out at the beginning of this month. The placement of the ceramic Christmas trees and the Nativity scene were just as she had arranged them. Taking them down emphasized that she's not here to put any holiday decorations up ever again, and she decorated for every holiday. Paul Simon or Joni Mitchell (I'm not sure who wrote the lyrics) had it right: "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Five and a half years ago I developed double vision as a result of a brain aneurysm. I definitely understood then what it's like to not be able to see, and I got a second chance to see and appreciate everything and everyone. Why must it take cataclysmic events for us to step back and look at what we have in life or what we want out of life? Maybe the next time we're tempted to ask, "Why did this happen?", we should take a self-examination and ask, "What am I overlooking?"
I pledge, and not just as a New Year's resolution, to see and appreciate the people in my life. I pledge to tell them how I feel about them.....well, maybe only the ones that I like. I pledge to be seen and be heard, although those who know me are thinking right now that this has never been an issue. If "seeing is believing" then "telling is healing."
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