I think I'm making progress in the grieving process. Last night I had a dream, and I remembered it. If my unconscious is rejuvenated then surely that means I'm working to heal both the inside and the outside of my psyche.
This dream was one of those house dreams where I'm moving from room to room looking for something or someone. The house was some type of boarding school, and the dining room was full of cans of Spaghettio's and the big, glass bottles of soda. There were a lot of kids and adults running around like it was an Open House. They were dressing up in costumes, and I think one of the rooms was devoted entirely to Halloween costumes. Then the house became a hotel w/ an elevator that I couldn't figure out how to operate so I just ended up on whatever floors other people went to. On one floor, I was in a bar, lying on my stomach, having a drink w/ some friends. My husband walked in, yelled at me, and I was so hurt and embarrassed that I left.
Somehow I ended up on some type of suspended, bridge-like structure hundreds of feet above a large body of water. I'm out on this cylinder-shaped structure, holding on tight while others around me are laughing and continuing their party. At one point I looked down and considered just jumping into the water, but I knew this would be suicide. I couldn't figure out why no one else around me was worried, and I wondered how they could continue to have a good time. Then, all of a sudden, I discovered the cylinder is supported by a lattice-tower so I just climb down.
Again, I was wandering from room to room trying to find the "Exit." Once I found it, I started to walk away but then realized I didn't know what the house looked like from the outside. I needed to know which house it was so I could get back to it. All the houses were extremely run-down and in need of TLC. I went back to the house to make sure I had the right one. I didn't want to go back in to confirm it was the right one, but I knew I had to.
I entered a room that appeared to be more like a back alley. I started pitching at a softball practice w/ adolescents. The coach is a woman I despise, yet I treid hard to please her w/ my pitching. But I'm not using a softball, I'm pitching an ice-ball similar to the one my daughter and I had kicked down the street after walking home from sledding at Cinder Hill. The ice ball became too small so I had to look around for another that's just the right size. When I turn around, instead of a bat, I see a face over the plate. I think it was mine.
How would Freud interpret this? I went to http://dreammoods.com/ for some help. Moving from room to room in a house means I'm going through some personal changes. I'd say this is an understatement. The fact that the house is run-down represents old beliefs and attitudes, and something in my life is causing these feelings to resurface. The only old belief that I think has changed is the belief that my family would always remain the same. I knew death would separate some of us, but Mom's death has even caused living relatives to distance themselves. Didn't see that one coming.
Having children in my dream supposedly means I'm reverting back to my childhood b/c I'm longing for the past and the opportunity to fulfill hopes and desires that I didn't accomplish in my youth. They suggest I take some time off to "cater to the inner child within." I did that yesterday when sledding down Cinder Hill......don't have time again now until June.
The elevator and my inability to figure out how to run it means my emotions are out of control, and I'm feeling like my life is in a rut. This ties in w/ being in the restaurant/bar, which symoblizes I'm feeling overwhelmed by decisions. Now, this is really getting weird how right-on this stuff seems to be. Of course, it seems a lot like astrology, being fairly general so I could apply it to just about any aspect of my life. But I find it interesting so I'll continue.
Playing softball means I'm supposed to go back to my basic beliefs and stay within my own "limits and capabilities." But I was pitching so well. I'm definitely seeing a theme about old beliefs emerging here. I'll have to explore this more in the coming days.
Having water in my dream is probably the most telling of all. Water in general refers to spirituality, knowledge, and healing. Since the water is calm, albeit 500 feet below me, indicates that I am in-touch w/ my spirituality. Bridges in general mean transition and since the bridge is over water, the transition "will be an emotional one."
I have to admit that I've always been a strong believer in dream interpretations, and this vivid dream solidifies my belief. Basically what this dream tells me is I'm normal, and the changes that Mom's death have brought in my life are to be expected. I think it's also fortuitous that I had this dream just before the new year arrives to give me hope that all the pain and sadness are serving a purpose. There's a Blue Moon tonight, which is a rarity and won't happen on New Year's Eve again until 2028. I'll be 64. I hope I'm around to see it again and that I remember the Blue Moon of 2009 and the dream that reassured me that life does go on through the pain and through the sadness.
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